Domestic Abuse of Spouses - Colossians 3:19

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. - Colossians 3:19

    The subject of domestic violence is one that turns the stomach of anyone decent human being whether they be Christian or not. No rational or considerate person can look at the emotional or physical abuse of another human being without it deeply affecting his or her sense of empathy and compassion. Scripture is especially clear when it comes to the mistreatment of one’s spouse whether it be the wife or the husband. Both harsh words and physical treatment of one another violate God’s perfect plan for marriage.
    Holy Scripture explicitly tells us of God’s position on abuse. “I know that the Lord will maintain the cause of the afflicted, and will execute justice for the needy.” - Psalm 140:12. A spouse need not concern themselves with a marriage covenant made with the offending mate when they are the victim of such abuse. Abuse, no matter what form it takes, violates the sacred bond of matrimony as biblically defined. A battered spouse or mate can no more be expected to remain in an unsafe environment than they can be expected to deliberately submit themselves to physical or emotional torture. Such brutish treatment is not only a game-changer; it is a game-ender. Any person who physically batters or emotionally tortures another has effectively ended any relationship that previously existed!
    Scripture has declared to us what God’s view of marriage is and God’s view is not to be scoffed at or ignored. “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’” - Ephesians 5:28-31.
    One has to wonder if a man and a woman become one flesh, why would either so blatantly disrespect or abuse the other? It isn’t rational for a person to deliberately abuse themself. What kind of convoluted logic would one have to engage in to justify this kind of abuse?
    The bond that is formed between a man and a woman in marriage is precious - it is invaluable. Why would a person break something of value in their lives, unless, of course, the item had lost its value or it was simply no longer precious to them? When a person abuses their marriage partner, it becomes clear that, in both heart and mind, they are loveless and have already left the marriage covenant. In the case of a Christian marriage, the abusing mate shows such a low view of God’s design for marriage that he or she might as well be an unbeliever. Remember, the oath of marriage includes providing for our spouses both physically and emotionally. “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” - 1 Timothy 5:8.
    Following this line of logic, two distinctive characteristics can be seen by what has taken place; one, the offending mate has shown beyond a shadow of doubt that they are not true believers and two, in their minds the marriage is, for all intents and purposes, over. At this point, short of an intervention that results in a ‘miraculous’ positive attitude change in both heart and mind, the marriage is finished. The victim of the abuse, though physically and emotionally pained and heartbroken, may walk away from the failed marriage without fear of violating God’s covenant and turn to Him for strength and support in their tribulations. “The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” - Psalm 9:9
    No one would ever suggest that a marriage is so trivial a relationship that it can be skipped away like a stone across the surface of a pond. The civil magistrates hold that marriage is a legal institution in addition to or in place of any religious consideration. Marriage, separation, and divorce are all costly both in the short term and the long. Marriage should not even be a consideration between two people, let alone faithfully and /or legally entered into unless both a man and a woman are committed to one another for life. Perhaps it all goes back to Paul’s spiritually discerned description of  true Godly love. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
    To the victims of domestic abuse - turn to God and do whatever you must do to separate yourselves from the physical and emotional danger of a loveless and violent partner.