You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. - James 4:4
How many times in your life have we ever been let down or betrayed by “a friend?” We should not be surprised; if we make friends with worldly people, we will always be let down. I’m not speaking of acquaintances now but of people we truly believed had our best interest at heart. We encounter people every day in our lives. Whether at school or work or in our leisure time activities, there are going to be people we associate with regularly. That doesn’t make them our friends. “For it is not an enemy who taunts me— then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me— then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together; within God's house we walked in the throng.” - Psalm 55:12-14.
Clearly, there is a world of difference between those who are mere acquaintances by virtue of providence and those we consider to be tried and true friends. But how are we to behave when the slight or betrayal comes from one we believed was truly a friend and confidante? “My companion stretched out his hand against his friends; he violated his covenant. His speech was smooth as butter, yet war was in his hear; his words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn swords.” - Psalm 55:20-21. And this comes with a smiling face! The utter distaste we experience when a friend turns against us shakes our very foundation. We feel indignant and violated because we see that injured friendship as folly.
But what of those words spoken in rashness and anger from a friend? “So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! . . . but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” - James 3:5, 8. The tongue itself heats the very moment! And this was a friend.
So hearts are broken, relationships are soured, the flow of our civility is interrupted, and we smolder in anger. How dare they? How could they? And could this all have been avoided in the first place?
There are always tell-tale signs of a person’s true nature. What we see when they lambast others is just waiting for its opportunity to thrust itself at us. “As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him.” - Titus 3:10. What then is left for us to do?
Choosing a friend based on an immediate need or interest may be the worst move anyone could make. Friendships that last are based on mutual respect for one another, not need or interest. “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers . . . .” - Psalm 1:1. Three admonitions glare out at us. Three warnings when choosing a friend. Let neither the wicked, nor the sinner, nor the scoffer even find their way into your considerations. And let’s not be coy. These cautions are glaringly obvious to all but the blindest of people.
What are we to do when (and if) we should find someone worthy of friendship? How do we prevent the souring of the relationship? In a word, edification. We should always bring comfort and joy into our relationships. We should nurture and protect that which we find warm and loving. Despite the fact that no one is perfect, we should still exemplify the words of Paul - “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” - 1 Thessalonians 5:11. Encouraging one another and building each other up is what true friends do.
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